~ the dictation of feelings ~

How much do we allow our feelings dictate the moves we make in our lives? Are our feelings a lie? I guess I've always done what my heart told me to do, but after careful consideration of the factors that go into our emotions I can not help but to question whether the choices I've made weren't smart ones because emotions can be so volatile. In todays age of technology we interact with other humans far less, have medications that affect your emotional state, and the constant exposure to worldly issues have changed the way we feel things, respond to things, and just plain experience things. I'm starting a new chapter in my life.. And that's going to be an experiment of tuning out the emotional part of my decision making and using pure logic and reasoning to deduce my options. This is completely new ground for me, so saying it's going to be an experience is putting it lightly.. Change of processes.. uggghh

BaCk At It..

Guess who's bizzack?! Soo at a the suggestion of a friend, I've decided to get back on my blogging. Thinking alot lately about mental illness and all of the worldly issues that are happening. How much of these events are contributed to mental illness? Vitamin deficiencies? Medication side effects? Lack of sunshine? Product toxicities? It's such a tangled web we've woven ourselves into.. Society moving so fast that we don't know what's good for us and what's not before it's too late. It's enough to drive an overthinker crazy. Then again, what's the point? Our time here is a short one. Then we're off to the next level.. hmmm.. THE NEXT LEVEL.. that's a whole other topic in itself, which I'm sure I will get into on a different date.. At the age of 37 I'm approaching the point where I'm questioning my purpose here. What exactly am I supposed to be doing? Am I doing it? Is my creator pleased? How will I ever know if it's the right thing? IS there a RIGHT thing?.. Soo many questions. Too many to put effort into for fear of my mind taking that leap into the other side. So I keep my daily thoughts in check as best as I can. I suppress my curiousity for fear that there really ARE no answers. When you guys find out all the answers to life, let me know ok? ;) Happy Tuesday!

My life in comparison..

Its funny how one minute you can be totally content with your life... until you compare it to anothers. Lately I've been feeling like I'm running circles around myself just to get nowhere. Working to pay bills, paying bills to have food, eating food to be energized for work, and so the cycle continues.. I know money doesn't buy you happiness but it sure does help. When a person's immediate needs are barely being met, it's harder to set your sights on a bigger, more "meaningful" way of living. Getting stuck in a rut can be the worst thing you can do to yourself. Your dreams fade into the mist, being replaced with the unaware, rehearsed routines of everyday living. I want to live again. I want to be excited about something again.. I want my children to know something other than "tired mommy" coming home from work complaining that she can't get anything done. I want to be aware of my place in the world again. I need to breathe..

My first blog.. awwww

So this is my first blog! Aww I know.. I'm so excited that somehow I have finally taken the time to start using an outlet for my writing. I have wanted to write since I was a child and seems like I was the ONLY one in college that didn't have a gripe at all about our term paper being 80% of our grade (I actually smiled inside). I hope to use this blogging page for many purposes. For the moment I am totally obsessed with makeup, so I'll probably be posting product reviews, swatches and random tips I've learned on here. When the world punches me in the face, I'm sure I'll have a lot to say about that on here. It's my gift to the world and most importantly my gift to myself :) See ya in the blogs!